Proudly, I’ve never purchased an Axe product in my life. Frankly, I find the advertising pretty fucking ridiculous, and I subconsciously associate the smell of Axe with bros, douchebags, and sexually transmitted disease. If there’s a scent that made dumb women want to sex you, it’s the smell of currency or Polo Sport.
However, this new Axe Detailer Shower “Tool” (the irony that it’s named that) just looked too awful to pass up. So I bought one. The dollar loofah I got at Target started to unravel, so why not spend the $5 to get this cleaning device that quite honestly looks like a landmine with a tire wrapped around it. Points for looking like a weapon.
The gimmick (besides the marketing ploy that makes people think they’re gonna get some tail if they use this) is that one side is a normal feeling loofah, while the other side is a more dense loofah. So ideally you’d wash your body with the normal side, and then use the tougher side to chip away at the harder funk that resides on your body.
I’m 30 minutes removed from a shower, and I have to say that I feel pretty clean. It’s like washing your body with sandpaper. My arms, legs, and torso took a beating in the name of hygiene.
I am patiently waiting for the women of San Francisco to ravage me now.
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