BOOZE AND SHOES

Shit....they're out on Yelp anyway.

I’ve really had the same group of friends for years. Absolutely no complaints there. All my friends are pretty cool, and being friends with me is a total testament to that.

But really, I haven’t made new friends in years. I made like two friends in college, but I like to think of it as quality over quantity. I’m actually pretty deliberate in regards to who I let within my inner circle. I mean, I generally run into somebody I know when I go out, but I think I just have a ton of acquaintances and a few people  that I’d have no problems spending a Saturday night with. I usually stay within my circles, and I like it that way.

However, moving to another city has kind of forced my hand in regards to coming into the good graces of  strangers. It’s not that bad. It’s actually pretty funny. There are times where I’m stuck in social situations that I absolutely hate, like hanging out with an already established group of friends. It’s like I’m encroaching on their company. Riffing with existing conversations, finding common denominators with other people, getting reads on what these people think is funny…it’s all stuff I haven’t done in a while. It’s not like I have Asperger’s or anything, but I’m definitely not the best when it comes to meeting new people. Actually, for the most part people think I’m a fucking asshole when they meet me. I’m pretty quiet around strangers, and a lot of people understand that as being snobbish. It’s not that I’m snobbish, it’s just I don’t know what the hell to say to someone after the initial pleasantries have been exchanged and the stock questions have been exhausted.

At least there’s a ton of places to drink in the city by the bay. Alcohol makes everything 90 times easier.

I think all the dinners that I’ve had at home for the most part have involved me boiling a pot of water for 15 minutes. Unsurprisingly, I botched my first attempt at making Soba noodles by thinking you can cook them like instant ramen, and it was pretty hard for me to eat that failure. I followed the directions the next time around (who’d of thunk that’d of been helpful), and Soba has really been my go to dish if I have nothing else to eat. I’ve grown very fond of the cold, buckwheat taste, but allegedly if you eat it too much, you will go retarded. My Japanese friend told me so, so I take this as gospel. I’ve also had success in making Fettucini Alfredo, and that triumph still makes me smile to this day. It was awesome to discover that I could cook a meal that a) was relatively tasty, and b) didn’t make me pee out of my butt.

Although San Francisco is known for its epicurean delights, I’ve found comfort in the simple things. I found an amazing Chicken & Waffles place a block or two near my work, and I’ve grown fond of the Sheboygan Bratwursts at the number of Giants games I’ve attended so far. I’m hoping to find a Thai place soon, and I’m going to meander through the town this weekend to see what the city has to offer in terms of Sushi.

Real talk though, as of now. 3 weeks in. Sacramento > SF in terms of food YEAH I SAID IT.

I’ll take it back in a week or so.

Proudly, I’ve never purchased an Axe product in my life. Frankly, I find the advertising pretty fucking ridiculous, and I subconsciously associate the smell of Axe with bros, douchebags, and sexually transmitted disease. If there’s  a scent that made dumb women want to sex you, it’s  the smell of currency or Polo Sport.

However, this new Axe Detailer Shower “Tool” (the irony that it’s named that)  just looked too awful to pass up. So I bought one. The dollar loofah I got at Target started to unravel, so why not spend the $5 to get this cleaning device that quite honestly looks like a landmine with a tire wrapped around it. Points for looking like a weapon.

The gimmick (besides the marketing ploy that makes people think they’re gonna get some tail if they use this)  is that one side is a normal feeling loofah, while the other side is a more dense loofah. So ideally you’d wash your body with the normal side, and then use the tougher side to chip away at the harder funk that resides on your body.

I’m 30 minutes removed from a shower, and I have to say that I feel pretty clean. It’s like washing your body with sandpaper. My arms, legs, and torso took a beating in the name of hygiene.

I am patiently waiting for the women of San Francisco to ravage me now.

I’ve moved to San Francisco. It’s been a hectic five days. Just reading that it’s only been five days kind of blows my mind, because it feels like its been at least a month. I truly appreciate my friends for making the transition much easier than it should have been. Without them, I probably would of stuck to my original plan of commuting everyday.

I botched my first attempt at taking public transportation, as I ended up at Fisherman’s Wharf instead of the CalTrain depot. I spent my lunch yesterday eating a humongous Bratwurst, while watching NL Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum pitch at the beautiful AT&T park. I’ve tripped over these raised power outlets at my work at least 20 times now, and I know everybody notices and laughs internally at the new kid.

My studio is bare. All that resides there is a disheveled suitcase, two sleeping bags, and a PC, where my only entertainment after work has been re-watching old Manny Pacquiao fights. I started to appreciate the luxury of a soft place to sit, as currently there isn’t such a place.

I’ve been eating irregularly. I feel energized but it’s a fake energy. I can go, but I’d rather stay.

So it seems that my two and a half year journey as a Student Assistant for CalPERS has ended. I initially thought I’d be pretty excited writing this e-mail, but right now I’m feeling a bit melancholy about it all. There’s excitement in working within one of the world’s metropolises, but I can truthfully say that my stay here at CalPERS was a fruitful one. Although it may sound trite, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again. That includes everything: The explanations on how to capitalize letters, the dubiously named files some people had on their PC’s (me and Alex Brown once saw a Fart.avi file on someone’s desktop), and the inquiries as to why someone wanted to download gang affiliated wallpapers to their phone.

Thanks to everybody who gave me the opportunity to come on as a member of a great team. It’s the reason why I didn’t dread waking up at 5:15 for a year, and it’s the thing I’ll miss the most about CalPERS. I can only hope that I work with  someone like Edna, who always waved her cutting knife in my direction (in a caring kind of way), and didn’t mind that I stop by to abuse her hand sanitizer. Or Michael, who would come by to talk and make me chortle uncontrollably. Of course there are more of you out there, but you’ll be spared. I’ll miss Huong’s Chinese shirts the most I think.

Thank you for all the gifts, as they are TRULY appreciated.

If you ever need a place to stay in the Bay Area, or someone to talk to, let me know. I’m a fantastic chat. Feel free to send any questions, complaints, job offers (heh heh) or heart-filled confessions my way. But for now, I’ll see everybody later.

- Allllyyyycakes

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I’m gonna miss me some state service. If you ever apply to the state, know that CalPERS is like the Yale of state agencies. Dope Clam Chowder on Fridays too, but now that’s once a month because of the furloughs. Damn you Arnie.

It’s kind of like the end of Series 2 of the U.K. Office (I believe), where Tim talks about how we spend a majority of our lives surrounded by complete strangers during the workday, and the only similarity we share is the fact that we step on the same carpet. But when we meet somebody who goes beyond that, you start to treasure it. Luckily I found like 14 of those somebodies. It was weird seeing people’s eyes starting to well up, and it was touching to know that people out there are actually going to miss my presence. Makes me think I did something right.